Rejected by the Church Follow-Up

I wrote a post a couple of days ago about dealing with rejection when it comes from the church.  There are a few things I wish I had made more clear in that post.  See, my point wasn’t to rant about the pain inflicted on me by people.  My point was simple, and I don’t think I made it well.  My point is this:

God will never reject you.

I wish I could make that statement alive for you.  I wish that typing it here would plant it in your heart so it could take root and change your life.  If saying it over and over would do the trick, I would type that sentence forever.  I would record myself saying it and play it on your iPod in your ears while you sleep.

But I can’t make it real for you.  You have to have that moment yourself, where you see how true it is.  You have to live it, let it wash over you so you understand every nuance of God’s deep love for you.

I want to help you, so I’ll tell you how I came to my moment of clarity.  But first let’s play a little game.  Take out a pencil and paper.  Make a list of five things you like about yourself.  My list is something like this:

1. I’m creative.
2. I have pretty eyes.
3. I’m thoughtful.
4. I have a nice smile.
5. I care about people.

Oh, I know what you’re thinking.  ”Isn’t this prideful, bragging?”  You’ve written two things and you’ve stopped because you’re afraid of writing something you think is true about you that no one else thinks is true about you.  It’s not prideful and it’s not bragging.  Your list is celebrating who God made you.

Some of you will do this and some of you will get it.  God will show some of you something completely different from what I learned.  Some of you will think I’m nuts.  I’m okay with that.  Just try it, go on this journey with me.

Look at your list, memorize it.  When you start dwelling on an unkind word that was spoken to you, a wrong that was done to you, say your list to yourself.  When your day is crummy and nothing is working out, say your list to yourself.  Just say your list.

Pray your list.  Thank God for those things, for reminding you of them.

Here’s what I learned from my list:

I was in counseling for depression, and my therapist was doing cognitive behavioral therapy with me.  My therapist helped me work on changing behaviors that contributed to depression: diet, exercise, sleep habits, and other things.  She also taught me relaxation techniques, and she helped me identify thought processes that were trapping me in a negative cycle and develop ways to stop them.  The list was one exercise we did.

I said that list over and over for weeks.  Sometimes I didn’t mean it.  Most of the time I felt pretty silly reciting that list in my head.  I was walking to class one morning, saying my list and everything changed form me.  God broke through my thoughts and showed me something about myself I had missed.

God made the list.  He put those things in me.  He likes my list, and so much more about me.  No matter what a person says about me or does to me, they’ll never change my list.  God made my list.

God made your list too.  People can reject you, the church can reject you, they can ignore your list, but God never will.

God made your list.  And He thinks it’s pretty amazing.

Ministry Metaphor Movies

I think the best movie with a ministry metaphor is Mr. Holland’s Opus.  It’s a great story about a man who doesn’t know if he’s doing what he loves, and he doesn’t realize the impact he’s making on hundreds of teenagers.  Even if you’re a guy, Mr. Holland will make you cry.

My husband likes Hidalgo.  A man and his horse, defying the odds.  An American cowboy and his horse, Hidalgo, enter a 3,000-mile race across the Arabian desert against the world’s best Arabian horses and riders.  The youth pastor likens ministers to cowboy Frank and his horse, working to achieve something when people doubt you.

If you’re looking for Jesus metaphors, along with my friend Jon at Stuff Christians Like, I think Man on Fire is the ultimate.  I love me some Denzel Washington.

What’s your favorite ministry metaphor movie?

Rejected by the church

They say rejection is a part of life.  I don’t know about you, but I can stomach it most of the time.  It hurts, but it’s part of life.  Rejection is really hurtful to me when it comes from the church.

The first time I experienced this rejection I was a senior in high school and I had just been diagnosed with depression.  I was always a quiet, melancholy kid, but that year my blue moods grew teeth and tried to eat me alive.  I couldn’t climb out of them no matter how hard I prayed, worshipped, cried, believed, or claimed promises.  Many well-meaning people tried to help me then, but they misidentified a mental illness as a spiritual problem.  I ended up feeling like my spiritual walk wasn’t up to par, and my punishment from God was this drowning feeling called depression.

The first time I sat in a therapist’s office, she said people had probably told me to just trust God and he’d take this all away.  With tears rolling down my cheeks, I listened to her exlpain that depression can affect a person who wholeheartedly trusts God.  Even David, a “man after God’s own heart,” sounds depressed in many of the Psalms.  Strange as it may seem, that conversation healed a part of me that had broken.  Before that, I believed that God was rejecting me through depression; God used that therapist to show me He wanted to love me through depression.

Another part of me broke this summer.  We went through our second forced resignation in five years.  Since then, we’ve sent resumes to many churches – but we can’t make it past the phone interview.  We’ve been ministry-blacklisted because the resume looks like a disaster zone.  I began to feel like the church, and by extension God, rejected me.

Yesterday God spoke through a pastor to tell me that He will never reject me.  No matter what people – in the church or out – say and do, God loves me with a complete and passionate love that nothing will ever sway.  God’s not done with us in ministry, and He’s not done with you.  It reminds me of the song “Anyway” by Nichole Nordeman:

Bless the day
This restoration is complete
Dirty dusty something must be underneath
So I scrape and I scuff
Though it’s never quite enough
I’m starting to see me finally

A gallery of paintings new and paintings old
I guess it’s no surprise that I’m no Michaelangelo
Every layer of mine hides a lovely design
It might take a little patience
It might take a little time

But you called me beautiful
When you saw my shame
And you placed me on the wall
Anyway

You who have begun this work will someday see
A portrait of the holiness you meant for me
So I polish and shine
til it’s easier to find even an outline of mine

But you called me beautiful
When you saw my shame
And you placed me on the wall
Anyway

Prayer for a Friend

I work in the Singles Department at our church, and we host a Divorce Recovery class twice a year.  This session we’ve had a very nice lady named Margaret in our class.  It’s very rare for me to send out a message like this, but I’d like to ask you each to pray for Margaret.  Her ex-husband committed suicide last week.  She’ll never know we’re all lifting her up, but I can promise you it will make a difference in her life.

Ode to the Timeless Youth Group Song

Remember the good ol’ days, when we sang “Big House” every Wednesday night?  And we’d do all the cool motions?  And change the sport every time we sang, “It’s a big, big house where we can play…”

That was the best.